Post by Umbrinu on Feb 27, 2007 20:33:04 GMT -8
well, here's what i have typed of my book so far for anyone who wants to read it. well, this is up to the 12th written page, and i've written about 39 pages now. have fun!!!! and all commentary's good, so please GIVE ME CRITICISM!!
The Dawn of Dreams or Legends of the Shroud
Wind rustled the trees. The forest brimmed with life and the sounds of nature. This forest, known to the locals who inhabited it as Hule, was laden with trees, and the variety was nothing to scoff at. Spruce-fir, pine, conifer, and many others. They were all there. Dead silence usually dominated where no wind blew and no life went, but even the silence is disturbed. And so it was one day as a young man sat in a tree, doing really nothing in particular, his black cloak falling lifelessly along the tree branch he sat in. the time was night.
“It could easily stay dark in these woods. A lot of tree cover,” he commented to no one in particular. He sat back against the tree trunk and prepared to fall asleep. His dog-ears went limp as he relaxed. And yes, this is where the narrator cuts in. dog-ears, you may be asking? Well, just hold on, buddy, because the answer may be right under your nose, depending on what page you’re on or whatever. The young man’s ears shot up suddenly atop his head as he sensed someone approaching at high speed. He listened closer and soon sensed more people approaching. It was apparently a chase. He slid down, estimating the being’s trajectory. He stood where he assumed the person would run. Soon a blurred figure slammed into him and fell back onto the floor.
“Get away!” she said, looking up angrily at him, with the slightest trace of fear in her eyes. She stared at him hesitantly, and then with a deep breath said, “you don’t look all that dangerous.” And with that she pushed him to the side and resumed running.
The young man laughed. “This’ll be fun.” And with that he did a strange motion in which he seemed to be engulfed in a darkness of sorts, and suddenly, he was no longer where he had stood as the cloud of darkness dissipated. He suddenly appeared again, out of a cloud of darkness, about ten feet in front of the girl, who again slammed into him. She looked at him, then looked behind her, a look of befuddlement on her face.
“How did you-“ she began before the sound of soldiers rang behind her. “I have to get out of here!” she shrieked and stood up. She began to run past him, but he reached his arm out, caught her around the waist, and with one leap jumped onto a branch high in the trees. He could feel the auras of the approaching soldiers. “What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded of him as he sat her on the branch.
“Saving you,” he said bluntly as he slipped down to the ground. He leaned on the tree and awaited the arrival of the soldiers. After a half a minute or so, the soldiers appeared I front of the young man. They quickly rushed towards him and had him at sword point. Their armor glinted in the moonlight.
“Now, now let’s not be rash,” he told the soldiers. “We don’t want any deaths.”
“Where’s the wench who came by here?” asked the one who was apparently the captain. Umbrinu laughed.
“She’s kind of cute for a wench,” he told them before he realized that he didn’t even bother to really look at her. “Or not…” he pondered, completely uncaring of their swords. One of the soldiers prodded him with his sword, but strangely, and much to his surprise, his sword met some kind of resistance.
“Tell us where the filthy half-breed is!” demanded the captain. The young man was startled.
“Half-breed?” he asked with a quick glance upwards into the tree. The soldiers followed his glance and saw her there in the tree.
“Idiot!” she yelled down at him.
“Well, we have no use for you anymore,” said the captain to the young man. He looked at the young man, who seemed more disappointed than scared. “Kill him.”
The soldiers all grunted and with a great heave they lunged their swords at the young man. They all seemed startled, though, as their swords were stopped by what seemed to be the young man’s cloak. They stepped back and lunged again, each aimed at different points on his body, and again meeting the same resistance. The captain stared in disbelief. He seemed to see the young man for the first time. He also noted the ears atop his head. “What are you?” he asked.
“Irritated,” the young man replied as he placed his hand on one of the soldiers’ swords. A pitch-black shadow crept along the sword and covered it. It compacted suddenly then dissipated, letting the shattered blade fall in pieces to the ground. The soldier was left there holding the handle of the sword and looking fearful. The young man waved his right hand at the other soldiers and the shroud-like darkness crept onto the other soldiers’ weapons and shattered those as well. He smiled as the soldiers shrank back.
“Now, I think you should all go back to where you came from,” said the young man. The soldiers looked at the young man, then at their captain. They moved behind him. The captain sheathed his sword (which was curiously unbroken) and faced the young man. “Yes?” asked the young man with his arms crossed.
“Can I at least have your name?” the captain asked.
“But it’s mine,” replied the young man with a grin.
The captain stared at him, then grinned back. He extended his hand to the young man.
“My name is Rictor, Captain of the Guard,” said the captain. “Will you tell me your name?” he asked the young man.
“Yes. My name is Umbrinu, the Dog of Shadow,” he said to Rictor. He took the extended hand and shook it. “So,” he said, pointing his thumb into the tree. “What’s her deal? Why do you want her dead?” he asked, causing Rictor to look troubled.
“Well… we don’t,” he said slowly. “Our lord wants her. He lusts after her, but she’s a feisty one,” he said with a quick glance upwards.
“You bet I am!” she yelled down before she landed on the ground next to Umbrinu. He looked at her and realized she had dog-ears as well. He absentmindedly scratched her ear with his right hand. She shuddered as a strange rush of ecstasy went down her spine. She turned around and pushed him away. “Back off there, lover boy,” she said trying to sound upset but failing to hide her hint of a smile. She immediately turned back to Rictor, the look of anger on her face. “And you couldn’t have chased me, then turned back and said you couldn’t find me?” she asked incredulously.
Rictor thought about it for a second. “Well, we could have,” he said slowly, “but we need a good reason.” He looked at Umbrinu.
“Well, the fact that I won’t let you take her should be enough,” he replied with a mock impersonation of deep thought. He looked at Rictor, who smiled back at him.
“Fine. I’ll leave her in your care,” he said happily. “But, your powers intrigue m.” he thought for a second. “The next time we meet, you owe me a fight. Is that agreed?” he asked with his hand out again.
“Sure,” he said, shaking Rictor’s hand. “When we met again, how will it occur?”
“I’ll find you,” he said. “You may be surprised at the power that I myself possess. I’ll see you around, Sir Umbrinu.” And with that he turned and walked away the same way he came. His soldiers watched him walk, then after a quick glance back at Umbrinu, they ran after their captain. Umbrinu watched them leave, the wind still rustling. Suddenly, he felt his cloak being touched. He slowly looked back and saw that the girl was feeling it. He stared at her until she finally looked at him. He was still surprised at her ears, but he dismissed it for the moment.
"Can I help you?” he asked merrily.
“It feels like normal cloth,” she said, looking bewildered. “Why couldn’t they cut it?” she asked. He pulled it away from her.
“No idea,” he said with sarcasm. He stared at her standing there. He saw that she was quite pretty. She had long black hair that went down to the top of her butt. She had beautiful golden eyes, and a gorgeous face. He looked down at her body and realized that her body was nothing to scoff at. Pretty nice, he thought, letting his eyes linger for a while. She was no fool, though, and quickly interrupted his examination.
“Ahem!” she said and Umbrinu quickly looked up at her. She grinned then stared. “So, are you going to explain what it was you did?” she asked impatiently. “You did something, and a power like that can really spook people.” She waited for an answer.
“Well,” he said. “That depends on whether or not I get to know your name,” he said with an innocent look.
She thought for a while and then, after finally deciding to trust him, said, “I am Asako.” She looked at him and smiled. “So, what do you think, Umbrinu?”
“It’s…” he started, trying to think of the right word. “Pretty,” he decided finally. “It’s a pretty name, like its owner.” He turned and began walking into the forest and she ran after him.
“So, where are we going?” she asked.
“We?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her. She looked at him.
“Well, I have nowhere to go at his particular moment,” she started. “I was hoping I could come with you for a while. There’s someone I need to kill,” she said, flexing her knuckles, and causing Umbrinu to give her a quick worried glance.
“Who?” he asked cautiously. “Not me, right?”
She looked at him quickly then laughed. “No, not you. Just a person. He’s trying to throw all of Hule into turmoil.” At his point she grew quite serious. “Will you help me when the time comes?” she asked hopefully.
He gave her a glance. “I’m not even sure if you’re going to try to kill me,” he said. “I may end up trusting you eventually, and then we’ll see.” He resumed walking next to him. She decided to speak.
“So, where are you going?” she asked.
“No idea,” he replied bluntly. She stopped walking and stared.
“No idea? What do you mean, no idea?” she asked incredulously.
“I don’t know where I’m going. I just go. Is that hard to understand? I’m a Wanderer, so I wander,” he said waiting as she caught up to him. They resumed walking and as the sun began coming up, Umbrinu suggested they find a nice town or something to stop at. “I don’t like being out in the open during the daytime,” he reasoned. In all honesty, he was just short on money and figured it’d be a good idea to go get some. They came to a small establishment in a fairly big clearing. Umbrinu looked around and surveyed the area, finding exactly what he was searching for. There was a small run-down sort of tavern with smoke coming from the little chimney atop it. Umbrinu stayed among the trees and watched the tavern and noted some horses tied to a fence close by.
“Say,” Asako started, interrupting Umbrinu’s thoughts. “Do you even have any money on you?” she asked suspiciously.
“Umm…” he began. He left the sentence hanging for a couple of seconds until he saw a drunken man stagger out of the tavern. He looked back at her and smiled. “I’m about to,” and with that he crept along under the cover of twilight and walked over to the man, being sure to have the hood of his cloak up to conceal his ears. The drunken man whirled around quickly.
“Whozat?” he asked, his eyes seeing Umbrinu but
apparently trying hard to focus on his person. He held onto a wooden rail for support.
“Well, hello there, friend,” he said congenially. He waved his hand in a wide motion. “Wonderful weather we’re having, eh?” beneath the rail the man supported himself on the shadow was creeping up behind the man.
“I’ve seen better,” said the man, still watching Umbrinu. “But what do you want?” he asked bitterly.
The shadow formed itself into what seemed like a fist without fingers. “I need directions. My friend and I are trying to find our way to Vale,” he said with a quick unnoticed glance at the shadow. He smiled.
“Oh,” the man said, relaxing. “Well, just follow the bright star that points to the North. From here you follow that star and you’ll easily come to Vale. It’s probably about thirty miles from here. Less than two days on horseback, but you don’t seem to have horses, huh?” he asked with a short laugh that annoyed Umbrinu for some reason. Umbrinu held out his hand palm-up.
“No, we don’t have horses,” he said bitterly. “But thank you for the information. We’ll see you around sometime, my friend,” he said as he used his outstretched hand to beckon with his middle and index finger. The shadow behind the man slammed hard into the back of his head and he fell hard onto the ground in front of him. Umbrinu stooped down to search the man as Asako came up behind him.
“You’re not robbing him, are you?” she asked, trying to stifle a laugh.
“I call it ‘transferring ownership’,” he said, locating the man’s purse and weighing the fell of it. “’Robbing’ is such a vulgar expression.” He smiled and pocketed the purse. “I think we need some horses… or would you rather walk?” he asked her.
“Well, some is a bad idea. We’d get caught too easily. Let’s just take one,” she said, and with that she used her demon claws to cut the ropes on one of the tethered horses. She glanced at him before she jumped onto the horse’s back. She held out her hand to him. “What are you waiting for? Come on!” she beckoned.
Umbrinu remained speechless and with a quick glance around the area, he took her hand and she pulled him up onto the area behind her. He gripped her around the waist and stayed quite close to her. He began to heat up at being so close to a girl.
“So, are you going to tell me what that thing is that you do?” she asked before she shook the reins and made the horse begin moving. The horse began running at a steady pace during the last moments of twilight. The North Star was still slightly visible.
Umbrinu sat in thought. “Well, it’s a little trick I learned when I was younger,” he answered finally.
“When you were younger? How old are you?” she asked.
“Seventeen,” he answered.
“She looked back quickly and smiled. “Well, that’s lucky,” she said more to herself more than him. “So anyways,” she continued, “what do you call it? Your ‘power’ or whatever?”
“I call it ‘the Shroud’,” he replied. “It’s a sort of living darkness. I’m basically a shadowmancer. I control the darkness.”
She looked at him quickly before she reined in the horse some moments later. Umbrinu looked around and didn’t recognize the place. “Why are we stopping here?” he asked. Asako slid off the horse and beckoned him off as well. He obediently got off and stood awaiting orders.
“Sit, boy,” she said mischievously. He threw her a dirty look and sat on the ground. He crossed his legs and stared up at her. What on earth is she doing? he thought. She stood over him, and then sat down, directly in front of him about four feet away. She stared hard at him as if she was seeing him for the first time. After her examination, she finally spoke.
“So, what’s your story?” she asked somewhat demandingly. Umbrinu blinked. He couldn’t believe she stopped their horse and got him tense for such a dumb question.
“What?” he asked, his surprise clear on his face.
“What’s your story? Where do you come from, how’d you learn to use your Shroud, what about your family? All that stuff,” she explained. “We have time, so let’s get to know each other.”
Umbrinu stared at her intensely. “My name’s Umbrinu. I’m 17. I’m a shadowmancer,” he said, still somewhat bitter. He stopped talking and stared.
She looked at him and sighed. “Would you like me to start?” she asked hopefully. He nodded. She sighed again and licked her lips. “My name is Asako. I’m 18. I’m a half demon. Well, quarter demon technically. I had a half demon father and a human mother. Now I travel alone, but in the lowlands, I kept hearing bunch of rumors about this group of fighters who were quite formidable and had no problem beating up peasants to get what they wanted. It wasn’t so much their demands that scared people because these were somewhat easy to settle, but it was the awesome strength they displayed whenever their demands weren’t met,” she said, all the time speaking very excitedly. Umbrinu listened well enough and nodded his head to acknowledge that he was paying attention. She continued. “Well, anyway, this ‘band of fighters’ or whatever they are, they happen to be very strong. I should know because I fought one. They’re really tough,” she said, almost frantic now. Umbrinu’s face remained unchanged. “So, now will you help me?”
“Probably not,” he said bluntly before he stood up and walked around her a bit. He walked over to where she sat and scratched her ears, sending another rush of ecstasy through Asako’s body. She smiled and closed her eyes. “You like having your ears scratched, don’t you?” he asked with a slight smirk.
and that's what i have. so what do you think?
The Dawn of Dreams or Legends of the Shroud
Wind rustled the trees. The forest brimmed with life and the sounds of nature. This forest, known to the locals who inhabited it as Hule, was laden with trees, and the variety was nothing to scoff at. Spruce-fir, pine, conifer, and many others. They were all there. Dead silence usually dominated where no wind blew and no life went, but even the silence is disturbed. And so it was one day as a young man sat in a tree, doing really nothing in particular, his black cloak falling lifelessly along the tree branch he sat in. the time was night.
“It could easily stay dark in these woods. A lot of tree cover,” he commented to no one in particular. He sat back against the tree trunk and prepared to fall asleep. His dog-ears went limp as he relaxed. And yes, this is where the narrator cuts in. dog-ears, you may be asking? Well, just hold on, buddy, because the answer may be right under your nose, depending on what page you’re on or whatever. The young man’s ears shot up suddenly atop his head as he sensed someone approaching at high speed. He listened closer and soon sensed more people approaching. It was apparently a chase. He slid down, estimating the being’s trajectory. He stood where he assumed the person would run. Soon a blurred figure slammed into him and fell back onto the floor.
“Get away!” she said, looking up angrily at him, with the slightest trace of fear in her eyes. She stared at him hesitantly, and then with a deep breath said, “you don’t look all that dangerous.” And with that she pushed him to the side and resumed running.
The young man laughed. “This’ll be fun.” And with that he did a strange motion in which he seemed to be engulfed in a darkness of sorts, and suddenly, he was no longer where he had stood as the cloud of darkness dissipated. He suddenly appeared again, out of a cloud of darkness, about ten feet in front of the girl, who again slammed into him. She looked at him, then looked behind her, a look of befuddlement on her face.
“How did you-“ she began before the sound of soldiers rang behind her. “I have to get out of here!” she shrieked and stood up. She began to run past him, but he reached his arm out, caught her around the waist, and with one leap jumped onto a branch high in the trees. He could feel the auras of the approaching soldiers. “What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded of him as he sat her on the branch.
“Saving you,” he said bluntly as he slipped down to the ground. He leaned on the tree and awaited the arrival of the soldiers. After a half a minute or so, the soldiers appeared I front of the young man. They quickly rushed towards him and had him at sword point. Their armor glinted in the moonlight.
“Now, now let’s not be rash,” he told the soldiers. “We don’t want any deaths.”
“Where’s the wench who came by here?” asked the one who was apparently the captain. Umbrinu laughed.
“She’s kind of cute for a wench,” he told them before he realized that he didn’t even bother to really look at her. “Or not…” he pondered, completely uncaring of their swords. One of the soldiers prodded him with his sword, but strangely, and much to his surprise, his sword met some kind of resistance.
“Tell us where the filthy half-breed is!” demanded the captain. The young man was startled.
“Half-breed?” he asked with a quick glance upwards into the tree. The soldiers followed his glance and saw her there in the tree.
“Idiot!” she yelled down at him.
“Well, we have no use for you anymore,” said the captain to the young man. He looked at the young man, who seemed more disappointed than scared. “Kill him.”
The soldiers all grunted and with a great heave they lunged their swords at the young man. They all seemed startled, though, as their swords were stopped by what seemed to be the young man’s cloak. They stepped back and lunged again, each aimed at different points on his body, and again meeting the same resistance. The captain stared in disbelief. He seemed to see the young man for the first time. He also noted the ears atop his head. “What are you?” he asked.
“Irritated,” the young man replied as he placed his hand on one of the soldiers’ swords. A pitch-black shadow crept along the sword and covered it. It compacted suddenly then dissipated, letting the shattered blade fall in pieces to the ground. The soldier was left there holding the handle of the sword and looking fearful. The young man waved his right hand at the other soldiers and the shroud-like darkness crept onto the other soldiers’ weapons and shattered those as well. He smiled as the soldiers shrank back.
“Now, I think you should all go back to where you came from,” said the young man. The soldiers looked at the young man, then at their captain. They moved behind him. The captain sheathed his sword (which was curiously unbroken) and faced the young man. “Yes?” asked the young man with his arms crossed.
“Can I at least have your name?” the captain asked.
“But it’s mine,” replied the young man with a grin.
The captain stared at him, then grinned back. He extended his hand to the young man.
“My name is Rictor, Captain of the Guard,” said the captain. “Will you tell me your name?” he asked the young man.
“Yes. My name is Umbrinu, the Dog of Shadow,” he said to Rictor. He took the extended hand and shook it. “So,” he said, pointing his thumb into the tree. “What’s her deal? Why do you want her dead?” he asked, causing Rictor to look troubled.
“Well… we don’t,” he said slowly. “Our lord wants her. He lusts after her, but she’s a feisty one,” he said with a quick glance upwards.
“You bet I am!” she yelled down before she landed on the ground next to Umbrinu. He looked at her and realized she had dog-ears as well. He absentmindedly scratched her ear with his right hand. She shuddered as a strange rush of ecstasy went down her spine. She turned around and pushed him away. “Back off there, lover boy,” she said trying to sound upset but failing to hide her hint of a smile. She immediately turned back to Rictor, the look of anger on her face. “And you couldn’t have chased me, then turned back and said you couldn’t find me?” she asked incredulously.
Rictor thought about it for a second. “Well, we could have,” he said slowly, “but we need a good reason.” He looked at Umbrinu.
“Well, the fact that I won’t let you take her should be enough,” he replied with a mock impersonation of deep thought. He looked at Rictor, who smiled back at him.
“Fine. I’ll leave her in your care,” he said happily. “But, your powers intrigue m.” he thought for a second. “The next time we meet, you owe me a fight. Is that agreed?” he asked with his hand out again.
“Sure,” he said, shaking Rictor’s hand. “When we met again, how will it occur?”
“I’ll find you,” he said. “You may be surprised at the power that I myself possess. I’ll see you around, Sir Umbrinu.” And with that he turned and walked away the same way he came. His soldiers watched him walk, then after a quick glance back at Umbrinu, they ran after their captain. Umbrinu watched them leave, the wind still rustling. Suddenly, he felt his cloak being touched. He slowly looked back and saw that the girl was feeling it. He stared at her until she finally looked at him. He was still surprised at her ears, but he dismissed it for the moment.
"Can I help you?” he asked merrily.
“It feels like normal cloth,” she said, looking bewildered. “Why couldn’t they cut it?” she asked. He pulled it away from her.
“No idea,” he said with sarcasm. He stared at her standing there. He saw that she was quite pretty. She had long black hair that went down to the top of her butt. She had beautiful golden eyes, and a gorgeous face. He looked down at her body and realized that her body was nothing to scoff at. Pretty nice, he thought, letting his eyes linger for a while. She was no fool, though, and quickly interrupted his examination.
“Ahem!” she said and Umbrinu quickly looked up at her. She grinned then stared. “So, are you going to explain what it was you did?” she asked impatiently. “You did something, and a power like that can really spook people.” She waited for an answer.
“Well,” he said. “That depends on whether or not I get to know your name,” he said with an innocent look.
She thought for a while and then, after finally deciding to trust him, said, “I am Asako.” She looked at him and smiled. “So, what do you think, Umbrinu?”
“It’s…” he started, trying to think of the right word. “Pretty,” he decided finally. “It’s a pretty name, like its owner.” He turned and began walking into the forest and she ran after him.
“So, where are we going?” she asked.
“We?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her. She looked at him.
“Well, I have nowhere to go at his particular moment,” she started. “I was hoping I could come with you for a while. There’s someone I need to kill,” she said, flexing her knuckles, and causing Umbrinu to give her a quick worried glance.
“Who?” he asked cautiously. “Not me, right?”
She looked at him quickly then laughed. “No, not you. Just a person. He’s trying to throw all of Hule into turmoil.” At his point she grew quite serious. “Will you help me when the time comes?” she asked hopefully.
He gave her a glance. “I’m not even sure if you’re going to try to kill me,” he said. “I may end up trusting you eventually, and then we’ll see.” He resumed walking next to him. She decided to speak.
“So, where are you going?” she asked.
“No idea,” he replied bluntly. She stopped walking and stared.
“No idea? What do you mean, no idea?” she asked incredulously.
“I don’t know where I’m going. I just go. Is that hard to understand? I’m a Wanderer, so I wander,” he said waiting as she caught up to him. They resumed walking and as the sun began coming up, Umbrinu suggested they find a nice town or something to stop at. “I don’t like being out in the open during the daytime,” he reasoned. In all honesty, he was just short on money and figured it’d be a good idea to go get some. They came to a small establishment in a fairly big clearing. Umbrinu looked around and surveyed the area, finding exactly what he was searching for. There was a small run-down sort of tavern with smoke coming from the little chimney atop it. Umbrinu stayed among the trees and watched the tavern and noted some horses tied to a fence close by.
“Say,” Asako started, interrupting Umbrinu’s thoughts. “Do you even have any money on you?” she asked suspiciously.
“Umm…” he began. He left the sentence hanging for a couple of seconds until he saw a drunken man stagger out of the tavern. He looked back at her and smiled. “I’m about to,” and with that he crept along under the cover of twilight and walked over to the man, being sure to have the hood of his cloak up to conceal his ears. The drunken man whirled around quickly.
“Whozat?” he asked, his eyes seeing Umbrinu but
apparently trying hard to focus on his person. He held onto a wooden rail for support.
“Well, hello there, friend,” he said congenially. He waved his hand in a wide motion. “Wonderful weather we’re having, eh?” beneath the rail the man supported himself on the shadow was creeping up behind the man.
“I’ve seen better,” said the man, still watching Umbrinu. “But what do you want?” he asked bitterly.
The shadow formed itself into what seemed like a fist without fingers. “I need directions. My friend and I are trying to find our way to Vale,” he said with a quick unnoticed glance at the shadow. He smiled.
“Oh,” the man said, relaxing. “Well, just follow the bright star that points to the North. From here you follow that star and you’ll easily come to Vale. It’s probably about thirty miles from here. Less than two days on horseback, but you don’t seem to have horses, huh?” he asked with a short laugh that annoyed Umbrinu for some reason. Umbrinu held out his hand palm-up.
“No, we don’t have horses,” he said bitterly. “But thank you for the information. We’ll see you around sometime, my friend,” he said as he used his outstretched hand to beckon with his middle and index finger. The shadow behind the man slammed hard into the back of his head and he fell hard onto the ground in front of him. Umbrinu stooped down to search the man as Asako came up behind him.
“You’re not robbing him, are you?” she asked, trying to stifle a laugh.
“I call it ‘transferring ownership’,” he said, locating the man’s purse and weighing the fell of it. “’Robbing’ is such a vulgar expression.” He smiled and pocketed the purse. “I think we need some horses… or would you rather walk?” he asked her.
“Well, some is a bad idea. We’d get caught too easily. Let’s just take one,” she said, and with that she used her demon claws to cut the ropes on one of the tethered horses. She glanced at him before she jumped onto the horse’s back. She held out her hand to him. “What are you waiting for? Come on!” she beckoned.
Umbrinu remained speechless and with a quick glance around the area, he took her hand and she pulled him up onto the area behind her. He gripped her around the waist and stayed quite close to her. He began to heat up at being so close to a girl.
“So, are you going to tell me what that thing is that you do?” she asked before she shook the reins and made the horse begin moving. The horse began running at a steady pace during the last moments of twilight. The North Star was still slightly visible.
Umbrinu sat in thought. “Well, it’s a little trick I learned when I was younger,” he answered finally.
“When you were younger? How old are you?” she asked.
“Seventeen,” he answered.
“She looked back quickly and smiled. “Well, that’s lucky,” she said more to herself more than him. “So anyways,” she continued, “what do you call it? Your ‘power’ or whatever?”
“I call it ‘the Shroud’,” he replied. “It’s a sort of living darkness. I’m basically a shadowmancer. I control the darkness.”
She looked at him quickly before she reined in the horse some moments later. Umbrinu looked around and didn’t recognize the place. “Why are we stopping here?” he asked. Asako slid off the horse and beckoned him off as well. He obediently got off and stood awaiting orders.
“Sit, boy,” she said mischievously. He threw her a dirty look and sat on the ground. He crossed his legs and stared up at her. What on earth is she doing? he thought. She stood over him, and then sat down, directly in front of him about four feet away. She stared hard at him as if she was seeing him for the first time. After her examination, she finally spoke.
“So, what’s your story?” she asked somewhat demandingly. Umbrinu blinked. He couldn’t believe she stopped their horse and got him tense for such a dumb question.
“What?” he asked, his surprise clear on his face.
“What’s your story? Where do you come from, how’d you learn to use your Shroud, what about your family? All that stuff,” she explained. “We have time, so let’s get to know each other.”
Umbrinu stared at her intensely. “My name’s Umbrinu. I’m 17. I’m a shadowmancer,” he said, still somewhat bitter. He stopped talking and stared.
She looked at him and sighed. “Would you like me to start?” she asked hopefully. He nodded. She sighed again and licked her lips. “My name is Asako. I’m 18. I’m a half demon. Well, quarter demon technically. I had a half demon father and a human mother. Now I travel alone, but in the lowlands, I kept hearing bunch of rumors about this group of fighters who were quite formidable and had no problem beating up peasants to get what they wanted. It wasn’t so much their demands that scared people because these were somewhat easy to settle, but it was the awesome strength they displayed whenever their demands weren’t met,” she said, all the time speaking very excitedly. Umbrinu listened well enough and nodded his head to acknowledge that he was paying attention. She continued. “Well, anyway, this ‘band of fighters’ or whatever they are, they happen to be very strong. I should know because I fought one. They’re really tough,” she said, almost frantic now. Umbrinu’s face remained unchanged. “So, now will you help me?”
“Probably not,” he said bluntly before he stood up and walked around her a bit. He walked over to where she sat and scratched her ears, sending another rush of ecstasy through Asako’s body. She smiled and closed her eyes. “You like having your ears scratched, don’t you?” he asked with a slight smirk.
and that's what i have. so what do you think?